i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
