Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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