If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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