I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
