Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
