everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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