You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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