He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
