It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
