glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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