if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
