I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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