There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
