It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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