he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
