I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
