Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
