my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
