Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
