He kissed a someone with a penis
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Help me help you realize you are a moron
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
