Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
