are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
