well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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