Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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