he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
