We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We were destined to go to rehab together
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
