Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
