i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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