The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
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