So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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