But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So gin and wine won't be happening again
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
