every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
