Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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