if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
