I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
