I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
