just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
