I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
