let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
