i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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