Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
