The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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