I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
