he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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