my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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