I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
