I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
whose parrot is this?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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