i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
