In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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