Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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