I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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