also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
