I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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