I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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