You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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