Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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