you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
