If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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