will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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