This is not my ceiling
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
