im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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