I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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