I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
home. puking in laundry basket.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
