Did you just see the Batmobile???
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
