So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I need a beard to bite.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
