My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
as a side note pls kill me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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