Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I can't turn off my feet"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
