where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
