WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
