I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
