Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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